Nana's Cities

My 3 most loved cities. Places where I grew up, matured, learned and transformed. I'm going to talk first about the first photo above. It is a photo taken here in Cagayan De Oro City during night cafe specifically at divisoria. Night cafe is every Friday and Saturday where street foods and much stuff are out for the whole night. Divisoria is just right in front of the university where I studied, Ateneo De Cagayan or known as Xavier University. I stayed here in CDO ( abbreviation for Cagayan De Oro ) for almost 2 years, going exactly 2 years this coming May 20th+. 2 years ago when I was crying so hard because I'd be miles away from my family and friends. I'd to be away to explore a new part of the world, to make a new page of my life and to build myself. 2 years ago, right after my high school graduation we were already deciding/planning for my college life. Where to study here in the Philippines, What university and what course. Those were in our thoughts. Til we finally had this final decision to choose CDO and Xavier University as my soon to be new place. I had no single idea what this place look like, and how pinoys here live. I was so clueless about the lifestyle here but I was so zealous to do the plans though fears were really there.To make the story short, I studied here in CDO for 2 years now, the place turned out totally peaceful and relaxing for me. Whatever happened to my life now, how 'ruined' it is now, that's no connection with the place and the university. I do love CDO, and I am so thankful about all the things I've learned in this place. Especially, My first 2 years here in the Philippines were spent here in CDO, I'm glad for that. I and my parents have decided for me to transfer to Manila for me to have a new life, to move on. It is a hard decision for me because I have loved this place already and I want to graduate in my current university now but I really have to leave ( I'm gonna talk about 'WHY I HAVE TO LEAVE' more on one of my next posts ). Thankyou CDO for the memories, I maybe have no much happy memories to share but the learnings and the know-hows that made me stronger and more learned person, that's really made my stay worth it after all.

What I consider my hometown, Jeddah city of Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. It's the place where I was from before I came here in the islands of Philippines. It's my country since I was a fetus. I was born there, and raised there, My life is there. Friends, relatives, family and favorite food it's all in there. It was a very tough decision to leave the place to explore my being a Filipino and to achieve my dreams. In my 2 years stay here in the Philippines, I've already had my vacations there twice because I have to visit back there atleast once a year for my visa and residence permit renewal. And, I am gonna have my long vacation back there this month maybe on the last week or first week of April. I'm gonna have a rest there, won't be back here that soon. Maybe I'll be back on May. I'm not that excited to go back home because I'm not ready to show up to my parents, who've been there to support me in everything. They are always with me though I disappoint them or I make em proud. They've been there loving me though I ruined everything. I am so guilty about what happened, I really can't show up yet. Actually, I can be there last february because I stopped schooling last month but I have to stay here to act as if I'm still schooling ( more about this on one of my next posts) to prevent being a talk-of-the-crowd. I meant, if relatives and family friends would know bout it it would reflect to my parents' again. I really don't want that happen, if I ruined myself it's because I surrendered. I really couldn't stand a single day pretending that I'm okay though not. I so love my family, but I'm not yet ready to be back in Jeddah. One thing I'm gonna do if I'm really there, is to eat my favorite food that no place here in Philippines can find.

A piece of paradise here on earth, Makkah city. It's an hour drive from Jeddah city, it's Islam's holiest city. Yes, I am a muslim. I am eager to be back there, so I can ask much much forgiveness from Him. I've been so neglectful and disobedience. I need to practice my faith again, I need to be there in Makkah to have this enlightenment again which I really feel everytime I'm in that place. A paradise, it's a place where you can live a peaceful and simple life. I feel blessed being raised in saudi arabia because I have a lot of chances to be in Makkah all the time, which not all of muslims all over the world can do. I feel thankful for that, and I wish muslim people who long to be in this place will have their dream come true. It's a paradise here on earth, no words can exactly describe this place. No words.

Courage by Superchick

"Courage"

I told another lie today
And I got through this day
No one saw through my games
I know the right words to say
Like "I don't feel well," "I ate before I came"
Then someone tells me how good I look
And for a moment, for a moment I am happy
But when I'm alone, no one hears me cry

I need you to know
I'm not through the night
Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light
I need you to know
That we'll be OK
Together we can make it through another day

I don't know the first time I felt unbeautiful
The day I chose not to eat
What I do know is how I've changed my life forever
I know I should know better
There are days when I'm OK
And for a moment, for a moment I find hope
But there are days when I'm not OK
And I need your help
So I'm letting go

I need you to know
I'm not through the night
Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light
I need you to know
That we'll be OK
Together we can make it through another day

You should know you're not on your own
These secrets are walls that keep us alone
I don't know when but I know now
Together we'll make it through somehow
(together we'll make it through somehow)

I need you to know
I'm not through the night
Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light
I need you to know
That we'll be OK
Together we can make it through another day

 

 

 

 

This song is an anorexic song. I am not anorexic, hoping won't be one. But, I can so relate to this song. The lyrics makin me cry. So me. :(

OMG! Yeah true!

When I was small, dad was always concern of my hairstyle. He always wanted me to always have that clean short hair cut but I what I wanted was to have a long hair like other girls look. But, Dad's are always right so I don't have a choice but to obey. Every hair cut memories was tragic, but now it is my precious memories. How I wish, Dad can do the same too these days but it's really not gonna come true coz' I'm all grown up and he stopped doing my hair short. I love him, the best dad.


So I think from haircut, this post would be going to be about dad. He is strict for other people's eyes. He is a supportive brother for his sisters. He is a successful OFW engineer for his friends. He is a supportive husband to mom. He is a loving dad to his kids, everyone would agree to me on that. Our relatives and friends know well how good my father is, they witnessed his love to us, his kids. He's been giving us everything we need and want without any second thought. He's the best dad for an only daughter like me. He's the kind of dad, every girl needs. Though there were times when he did mistake that made our family a bit changed, still we're here.. not a broken family. We didn't leave dad for his mistakes, we stayed for all the good things he's done. I love him, and will always do. 

Backspace

How I wish there is a backspace key in life, easy to press when you commit a mistake. A key that would help you to totally have a perfect life. It's epic, it's totally impossible I know. I'm sounding weird but this is just because I've been into dark for long. I have walked in this rocky road alone. I'm waking up thinking.. what if I didn't wake up, how many people would care? I have listened to songs that making my heart cry in liters of tears. I've been working on, trying hard and making all I think would work. Everything I thought would make my dreams come true, just made everything ruined. All the people I thought care, were actually those who don't. I want a backspace, I want to start all over again.

Lost. Alone. Empty.

Don't Quit.

 For more motivation qoutes please do one of my favorite fb pages, https://www.facebook.com/lifeentrepreneur

Numb

Hi. Lately, I've been doing my best to recover from all these depression stuff. It's hard. I need support, help and courage to move on. Everything's like a bit better than those days when I think there's no 1% hope left for me. Now, My family, true friends and of course God helping me through all these sufferings.

I feel weird lately. I don't feel that sad anymore but I don't feel any happiness or good feelings too. I don't know if I'm okay or I'm just now numb, someone who doesn't feel anything. But I think this is better than feeling so down everyday, at least now I feel a bit soothed because I don't feel anything. Seems an anesthesia was injected to me, thanks to whoever did that ( odd ) .

No much zeal to write more here, like I said I'm like totally numb right now. So here's a song for you to understand more my situation right now, I prepared the lyrics too for you to understand the song. Originally sung by Linkin Park entitled, Numb.  

♪ ♪ ♪ I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes,
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow,
Every step that I take is another mistake to you,
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow

[Chorus]
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
Become so tired, so much more aware
By becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me?
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control
'Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you,
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow,
Every step that I take is another mistake to you,
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow,
And every second I waste is more than I can take!

[Chorus]

And I know I may end up failing too
But I know you were just like me with someone disappointed in you

[Chorus]

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be,
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be ♪ ♪ ♪


Lyrics from: http://www.lyrics007.comVideo from: chopstix102@youtube

Depressed Girl

I had a hard time to compose my next blogpost, I felt like sharing everything here still a big no-no. I felt like I wanted to keep everything I feel within me. Though I've made this blog a private blog, it's published but no close relatives know this blog yet, still I feel awkward writing everything about my sufferings and depressions right now. I totally made this to help me recover from these odd feelings I'm feeling right now, I don't have anyone with me right now to ease the pain with. To comfort me each day, to tell me the reasons why I'm still breathing. I want my family here with me right now. They are the best comfort I have but I can't show up yet, I totally messed my life, and I'm scared that I may lost their trust. I lost myself. Now I see myself suffering from these depressions for over years now, I've been in a dark side of this world since I was a child. Happy thoughts, happy memories are counted.. I keep em here in me because they are precious, they are rare to happen to me. Some ( or most? ) depressions turn to suicide, isn't? I had these moments in life, when I almost did it. I had these moments.Indeed my thoughts are killing me. I'm scared, if I won't recover from this kind of hell life I have, that ending everything will come to my mind as the only solution to stop these pains I feel. These heart aches, mind bugging, the tears that only God see, define my life. I am a good and responsible daughter in my parents eyes, a happy and funny sister of my brothers, a young achiever for my aunts and uncles, a lucky person for young cousins who envy me, a strong and smart person for my friends, I'll be a future success.. it's what everyone expect from me. Nobody knows what I truly feel, it kills me.

2 years ago, I still could fake a smile, though I was deeply hurting. I was younger, so I was just enjoying life then. Yes, people hurt you, some people come just to leave pain in you. I was a funny girl then, a best friend, a good daughter. I still could take all the pain, because I still have something that makin me happy atleast even with all the pain. Some people treatin me like a princess, they even call me princess. They know how my family has been spoiling me, no brat could touch me. I was a princess, there are those times when I really could feel it. But everything turned totally different now, I can't fake a single smile. I smile with my eyes obviously hurting. I thought I was just extraordinary sad, but then now I'm sure I'm suffering with depression. I hope I get recovered soon, I've been trying. But, these now really an illness. I really can't stand it, I really can't think positively coz I feel there's really no single thing that I should feel atleast a bit happy. No reason to live is what my mind is saying now. I'm totally hopeless. I need a friend, a help. I can't show up to my family, til I'm finally okay. I stopped schooling, I stopped having a good life, I stopped enjoying each day, I stopped having fun. Everyday is just about this effin depression I have. I'm damaged. I can't repair myself alone, I need someone or something, an inspiration? or anything. What exactly that is, I really don't know. Seems I don't feel really well now, I want to end this post now. Catch me on my next post.

Soul dreams

I've been always trying to start writing my first ebook and to publish it. Problem is, I always don't have a nice plot to make a story line. I want my first book, ofcourse, be about my own self; About my life; Everything about me. But, seems that I don't have a good life to put into a book. No happy start nor a happy ending. How worthless book that would be? lol. Sounds poor but I am really a frustrated writer. To those frustrated writers like princess Nana, first thing I want you guys know.. You will never be a good writer if you are not a good reader. Though being a good reader doesn't need writing, but writing do need reading. Believe it dudes, you can achieve your dreams if you work on it. If you wanna write, go buy pen and paper then put all your ideas on the paper or if you are techie, buy a comfy keyboard then type it! ( I believe good typing has something to do on how comfortable you are using your keyboard. ). If you wanna be a bonna fide student, go buy books read and read. Knowledge is unlimited and learning is nonstop. Learning doesn't end when you graduate. If you wanna be a good actress, go to workshops then act! If you wanna be a good medical student, be sure you love people's lives then do it. ( how can you save lives if you are selfish! )

One thing I learned from Bo Sanchez, an author of bestselling books here in the Philippines. I've read one of his books and I was enlightened with his words. He said, concentrate on your strength not on your weaknesses. If you think you want to be a writer and you feel like you can do better at it, then practice and train yourself to be one. Don't waste time on your weaknesses, concentrate on your strengths. Indeed, he is a very successful man. His words is inspiring. Though I'm still in a disturbed mind right now( I'll talk about it on my next post, why I'm disturbed  ) his words have helped me in deciding about my life. To do what you really want, to concentrate on your strength, to do your soul dreams. And, not to be scared of the future and the past is already gone. These sort of things. I will do his advice, though it's a very hard decision for me to choose between my own decision and other people's decision for me.

I want to be a successful medical student, at the same time a known blogger/writer. I want to have books that will be read by people, to atleast be able to share my ideas and thoughts in life. I want my voice be heard through writing. I want change, that's why I want to write. So there, A medical student plus a writer, and a part time entrepreneur. My family is into business and professional career at the same time. I want to have a business, but like Bo Sanches said on his book concentrate on your abilities then hire others to do the rest of your dreams. Like that business plan of mine, I want to have a business but I'm really not yet that trained in business, no much knowledge bout it. So, I think I'll just concentrate first on those first dream careers of mine which are; Being a successful doctor and a known writer.

I am a Chaster, I love Charice!

Yes, I do love Charice. Why? I can feel her. If she cries, it is because she had been to a lot of challenges in life at a very young age. She almost give up, but her mom is always there to comfort her and to remind her that in life we just have to wait for our time to shine. She almost give up, but she was still trying after every fall. She's my inspiration here on earth right now. She has finally reached the peak of her dreams. One big boo to those haters who've been hating her since then til now that she's a star. I love watching her videos on YouTube and haters are always around there, but who cares right? Chasters are increasing around the world. We love Charice. And, no matter what those freaking haters say our love, my love and admiration to Charice will never change. Once you see one's true heart, you understand her everytime.

I know it's impossible but if ever Charice be able to read this one, these are what I wanna tell her.

Maraming salamat sa pagiging inspirasyon. Marami kang napapasayang tao, at napapatibay. Lalo na ung mga taong dinaranas din ung mga naranasan mo sa buhay. Sana isang araw, marating na rin namin ang mga pangarap namin pero tulad nga sa awitin na kinakanta mo;

Kung hindi ngayon ang panahon, na para sa iyo wag maiinip dahil ganyan ang buhay sa mundo. Huwag mawawalan ng pag-asa darating din ang ligaya ang isipin mo'y may bukas pa na mayroong saya. Kabiguay hindi hadlang upang tumakas ka, huwag kang iiwas pag nabibigo dapat na lumaban ka. Ang kailangan mo'y tibay ng loob kung mayrong pagsubok man, ang liwanag ay di magtatagal at muling mamamasdan. Ikot ng mundo ay hindi laging pighati't kasawian, ang pangarap mo ay makakamtam.. Basta't maghintay ka lamang. ( From the song Maghintay ka lamang )

I love you Charice, and I will always love you. Keep on inspiring us, don't get tired of living each day coz there's a lot of smiles and hopes you put onto other people's lives.

- I'm a Chaster from Philippines, Princess Nana.

The princess' first blog post

Dear Bloggers,

Hello!  Here I am, made another blog again. I'm really looking for a blog that is comfy to use. So, I've made this one. I guess, I will make this the temporary 'main blog' of mine for now. Haha. I want to write without other people, who know me, be able to read it. So, I abandoned my main blog for the mean time. I was in decision to stop writing/blogging when I was in the deepest depression of my life. I don't want to share what I really feel right now, maybe because if my relatives, close friends and family know bout it, it will be a big downfall for me. I mean, they will really be disappointed of me. That's the most scary thing I don't want to happen, I don't want them to be disappointed of me. Maybe because, there's a big chance I may break their trust. Everyone knows how bad when the trust is broken. The love, happiness, commitment, communication, faith and such all of those may come back but the trust once it is broken, it will never be the same again. My point is, I miss blogging so instead of stopping blogging so others may not read about it, I made a new blog so I will be able to continue my addiction which is writing/blogging in a private way. Some may be reading this, but I'm pretty sure I'm safe from my relatives and family from knowing I am who is writing on this blog.

A brief introduction about me, the writer/blogger, so that I am not sounding alien here. I am a real person, I can write a-b-c and 1-2-3. I am a 17-yr-old female ( obvious w/princess Nana diaries right? ), who loves putting her ideas and feelings into written words. She isn't really vocal to her emotions that's why. She's currently second year college taking up biology studies in one of the known universities here in the Philippines, especially here in Mindanao. She's still young, but has cried a lot of tears. She's still young, but has already hurt for a lot of times. I am Nana,  the blogger princess behind this blog.

Hope you'll enjoy reading my personal blog where I write about things I see/hear/feel. I hope to meet cool bloggers here too! Just comment or post on the tagboard. Ciao!